Copyright © 1999 by Lawrence Letham.
All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced in any form
without permission in writing from Lawrence Letham.

"I've had it!" my mother screamed. "I am tired of telling you to clean your room! No more! We're getting your problem fixed! Today!"
"My problem?!" I said. "I don't have a problem."

My room wasn't that bad. It wasn't stuffed so full that I couldn't close the door - that was just a nasty rumor. I could close it - I just didn't want to. And unlike my mother frequently said, I did know the color of the carpet because I saw it all the time - at least parts of it... usually a different part everyday, but I definitely knew that it was a light shade of ... of... blue. Yeah! Blue! Furthermore, I could find the bed every night even though everyone else claimed they couldn't. It was simple - it's pretty close to the window.

Anyhow, I didn't really believe her. She had threatened to do something before, but nothing ever came of it. By lunchtime she will have forgotten the whole thing.

Sure enough. By noon, my mother was positively happy. She was humming and served one of the better lunches I have ever eaten. I finished right up and was headed out the door when she called after me.
"Jenny. Go get in the car. We're going out this afternoon."
"Out?! Where? There's a baseball game and I said I would be there."
"I'm sorry Dear. We're taking care of your problem today."
There it was - again.
"I don't have a problem!" I said loudly.
"Get in the car!" she replied in a firm tone.

After a silent ride, my Mother stopped in front of a furniture store. The sign read "Wanda's Helpful Furniture."
Inside a woman asked if she could help.
"My daughter is having a bit of a clutter problem."
"Ah yes," she smiled sympathetically. "What size is the problem?"
"There isn't a problem," I muttered under my breath.
"Well, I'd have to say it's a rather big problem," my mother answered. "In fact, it's definitely huge!"
The woman looked down at me with a kind of grandmotherly gaze.
"In fact," she continued "I don't know how long it's been since I've seen the carp..."
"Mother!" I cut her off.
I just hate it when she gets carried away in public.
"Oh! That size," the woman nodded with a knowing look. "I think we can help. What pieces will you need?"
"We need to replace everything in the room. Even the carpet," my mother replied.
I couldn't believe I was missing a baseball game for this. I didn't need new furniture. Nothing was wrong with the stuff I had.
We soon found ourselves in an area of the store labeled 'Mega-Strength Disciplinary Furniture'. I'm not sure what it meant, but my mother went absolutely wild. At first she asked me which style I liked best, but I didn't care; I just wanted to get home before the game was over. My mother bought a bed, dresser, nightstand, lamp, cedar chest and a whole bunch of other stuff. She even bought a rug to replace the wall-to-wall carpet. The bill was enormous, but she happily paid it and arranged to have the furniture delivered in a week, just before I got back from summer camp.

Camp was great: fishing, hiking, and playing tag in the forest. It was almost sad to go home, but I had to get ready for the neighborhood baseball championship. On the drive home, my mother told me how nice my room looked with the new furniture.
"Great Mom" I said. "Can you drive a bit faster? I've got a game."
As soon as I got home, I ran straight to my room to get my baseball things.
"Isn't the furniture beautiful?" my mother smiled as she surveyed the room from the doorway.
I didn't see a difference.
"Wonderful Mom," I said. "Where are my cleats?"
"In the closet Dear," she replied. "Where they belong."
I got all my stuff and was headed out the door when she stopped me. She had a serious look on her face.
"Jenny, be sure you always put your things away where they belong. Don't ever leave anything lying around. Do you understand?"
"Right Mom."
I would have said anything to get out of there. I hadn't played baseball in over a week.

It was a glorious game. I hit two doubles, stole three bases and my team won. After a quick dinner, it was time to chase frogs down at the creek until bed time. I fell into the mud only twice and by the time I got home, I was tired. I went right to my room, dumped all my stuff on the floor, put my gum on the bedpost and jumped into bed. It felt so good. But, even before I could close my eyes, something hit me in the head. I snapped on the light. It was my baseball mitt. I ran to the door to see who threw it when my cleats smacked me from behind. I spun around. Someone was in the room. While I looked under the bed, I felt something stick to my bare leg. It was my soft, gooey gum from the bedpost. I scraped it off and wiped it on the carpet. What was going on here! Who was tormenting me? Then I saw it! The carpet where I smeared the gum started to move. It actually rolled the gum into a ball and threw it at me. It hit me right in the face. I threw it back. It threw it at me again even harder and hit me on the cheek.

Then there was a noise behind me. I spun around and saw the bedpost opening the window. A shuffling sound started near the door. I spun around again. The chair moved to the middle of the room, grabbed my baseball jersey and threw it out the window. Before I could do anything, it threw out my cleats, hat, pants and socks then the pillow threw out my mitt.
"Whoa! What was going on here?!" I fumed.
No furniture was going to throw my stuff outside.
"We'll see who's boss!" I yelled and stormed out to get my clothes.
My Dad watched me stomp by.
"What's the matter with her?" he asked my mother.
"She probably didn't put her things away," she sighed.
"Oh well. She'll learn," he laughed.

I got my things and stormed back to my room. From the door, I glared at the furniture.
"This is my room. I'll put my stuff where ever I feel like it!"
I threw everything into the middle of the floor. Before I could even blink, the chair ran over and my mitt went sailing out the window. I leaped for the jersey just as the chair did and hung on tightly. I was winning the tug-of-war until the carpet started to move up and down. It was like a wave in the ocean that got bigger and bigger and bigger until it flipped me into the air. When I let go of the jersey, the chair threw it and everything else out the window. I was mad. This meant war!

I got a hammer and some really big nails from the garage. Standing on a ladder, I nailed the window shut from the outside, got my stuff and went to back to face the furniture.
"I've got you," I yelled from the doorway. "You don't dare break the window."
I threw everything into the middle of the room again. As soon as it hit the floor, the bottom drawer in the dresser opened, the chair quickly put everything into the drawer then it closed.
"Now that's better," I told the furniture. "I throw stuff on the floor and you put it away."
I was going to like this furniture after all. I was tired, so I jumped right into bed and turned off the light, but before my head could even touch the pillow the bed began to bounce up and down.

With only a few bounces, I was thrown right off the bed onto the floor. The chair came over and started pushing me out of the door towards the bathroom. I pushed back. It pushed harder. I pushed harder and was winning until the cedar chest came to help. Even the mattress got off the bed to block the entrance to the bedroom so I couldn't get back in. Slowly I was pushed into the bathroom.
"But why?" I wondered as I sat on the floor.
The chair went to the bathtub, turned on the water and started coming for me. I could see I had a bit of mud on my legs from chasing the frogs and maybe there was some in my hair, but this was too much.
"Look here you ... you ... chair!" I warned it. "Leave me alone!"
It kept coming closer. So did the cedar chest.
"Alright, alright!" I said. "I'll take a bath, but you two get out. And close the door!"

I have to admit, the warm water felt good. Before I finished, the door open, a clean pair of pajamas flew in and the door closed again. Dressed in my clean pajamas, I opened the door. The chair and the chest were still there. I tried to get out, but they blocked the door. The chair squeezed past me to get to the sink and got my toothbrush and toothpaste out of the drawer.
"Oh alright! Oh alright! You're such a pain!"
By the time I finished brushing my teeth, the chair, chest and mattress were back in their places. A last, I was in bed and I didn't feel it doing moving this time. In fact it felt extra comfy.

When I woke up, the sun shined brightly through the window.
"Oh no!" I groaned.
I was late for a game of tag. I jumped out of bed, chucked my pajamas on the floor and ran to the dresser to get my baseball jersey and knickers shorts. I pulled on the bottom dresser drawer, but it wouldn't open. I pulled harder and still it didn't budge.
"Dumb dresser" I thought. "It's already broken."
I didn't have time to worry about it. I had to get to the game. I opened another drawer to look for my zippy, racing pants. I sorted through my clothes in the usual manner: if it wasn't what I wanted, I tossed it over my head onto the floor.
Just when I found my racing pants, I heard a noise behind me. The drawer of the nightstand opened and the chair moved towards it carrying my lucky hopscotch shirt.
"Great! Thanks chair," I told it. "In fact, put all this stuff away."

The chair dropped my lucky shirt in the drawer. It closed and a loud noise, like the roar of a jet engine, started. Flames shot out from around the drawer and it glowed red-hot. Suddenly the flames disappeared, the noise stopped and the drawer opened. A thin plume of blue smoke rose from the drawer and I looked in at a small pile of ash at the bottom.
"No!" I cried. "My lucky hopscotch shirt has been toasted!"
I would never be the hopscotch champion again, but I didn't have time to cry - the chair grabbed my Super Thrasher roller-blade shin guards and was headed towards the nightstand.
"Stooooooooooop!" I scream.
I couldn't lose my Super Thrashers.
"Stop! I'll pick them up! I'll pick up everything!"
I don't think the chair believed me; it slowly inched its way towards the open drawer.
I moved fast. I ripped open a dresser drawer and stuffed in clothes faster than a baboon eating bananas, but just as I went to close it, it belched everything back out onto the floor.
"Oh no! Do I have to fold all these?!" I whined.

The chair inched forward towards the nightstand's open drawer. I folded furiously. If even one thing was not folded right, the dresser spit out all of the clothes. As my shin guards inched closer to destruction, I filled one drawer. Two more to go. I folded pants, shirts, pajamas, handkerchiefs and even socks! The chair was holding the shin guards over the open drawer. Two more pairs of pants!
"Stop! I'm done!" I yelled as I slammed the dresser drawer closed.
The chair dropped the shin guards into the drawer.
"What's wrong? What else is there?" I plead.
The bedpost bent towards the door where a shirt was stuck on top. As I ran to get it, I heard the nightstand drawer slowly close. I snatched the shirt, folded it and quickly put it in the dresser. It was too late! The noise had already started.
"Nooooo" I implored. "Not my Super Thrashers! Oh please! Please don't burn them."

I found myself on my knees begging the chair.
"Please! The room is clean."
The noise slowly died away. The drawer opened and my Super Thrasher shin guards were still there.
"Oh thank you!" I gushed hugging them tightly in my arms. "Thank you!"
Just then the bottom dresser drawer popped opened.
"Oh yea!" I cheered. "Now I can wear my jersey."
I threw the shin guards onto the ground and reached in to get my baseball jersey. I heard the chair move behind me.
"Aaaaahhhhh!" I screamed.
It was going after the shin guards again. I grabbed them and this time put them away where they belonged.

Breakfast was a little later than usual. It had been a long morning.
"Good morning Jenny," my mother called out cheerfully.
"Is your room clean?"
"Yes, Mom. It's clean." I answered.
She looked me in the eye. "Do you have a problem any more?"
"No, Mom. I think I'm cured."