Copyright © 1999 by Lawrence Letham.
All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced in any form
without permission in writing from Lawrence Letham.

"I miss my Dad," Jim sighed.

It all started when he got Super Spectra Vision: 243 channels of non-stop sports. Now all he does is watch TV every night after work and all weekend. He used to be glued to the TV only during the football season, but with Super Spectra Vision the football, basketball, hockey, in-line skating, free-form-jumping, and everything else never ends. We haven't been camping, hiking, fishing or swimming for ages. My Mom misses him too. It can't go on like this. Something has to change and I know exactly how to do it.

At first Mom didn't like the plan, but when I told her that he would be the same Dad he was before, she agreed. Even though it was expensive, we knew it was worth the money.

Dad didn't suspect a thing when we gave him the new Super Spectra Vision TV Helmet with dual-eyeball screens, built-in satellite dish, channel changing chin-strap and game glove. In fact, he loved it. He never wanted to take it off. On Saturday morning, he was so absorbed in the Alaskan Moonlight Mush Marathon, he didn't even notice he was in the car. Of course he didn't see the sign for Rapid Rafting River Runners Canoe Rentals.
"Dad?" I asked him.
"Yes Son?"
"Didn't you say you were going to watch the canoeing competition today?"
"Oh, yeah!"
"Well it's on now," I told him.
"Great! Thanks Son," he replied and started twitching his chin sideways to change channels.

I sat in front, Mom sat in back and Dad didn't even know he was in a canoe headed down a wild, frothing, foaming, billowing river. The water torn down the rugged, twisting canyon making huge waves, screaming-fast rapids around dangerous rocks and even waterfalls. I clenched the front of the canoe so tightly my knuckles went white. Mom shrieked. When we reached the end of the run, Dad was really excited.
"Wow! You two should have seen that race. It was so real! I felt like I was in the canoe zipping over the rapids, feeling the spray in my face! This helmet is great. It's way better than ordinary TV."
He had already found a new program by the time we reached the car.

Next was sky diving. Just before we got on the plane, I reminded Dad about the sky diving championship on channel 176.
"Already there Son," he answered. "In fact, they're just stepping on the plane. It all seems so real!"
Mom jumped out first. Her screams quickly faded away. I pushed Dad out and hung onto him for dear life. The free fall was horrifyingly fantastic. My stomach leaped into my throat and I felt like I was floating for the longest time. Dad just kept yelling, "It's too real! It's too real!" I pulled the rip-cord and watched as the tiny houses, puny cars and ant-like people kept getting bigger and bigger until we finally touched down.
"How was the program Dad?" I asked.
"Oh Son, I wish you and your mother could have seen it. When Harvey Hummer, the world sky diving champ, jumped out of the plane it seemed so real I almost wet my pants."
Mom nodded. She knew how that felt and so did I.

Bungee jumping came next. Just before we got in the elevator, I switched Dad to the Jumbo-Jumping Bungee Cord contest. The elevator whisked us up to a platform that was so high you could almost touch the clouds. The nice men tied the bungee cords around our ankles and all three of us were pushed over the edge at the same time. Mom screamed. I screamed. Dad went "Wheeeeeeeeee! It's too real!" The ground rushed towards me so fast I was sure death was near. Suddenly, just as my nose was about to touch the ground, the bungee cords jerked me back into the air. When we were done, I asked Dad if he enjoyed the program.
"Oh yes I did. It was so real! I wish you and your mother could have seen it. We really need to get Super Spectra Vision TV helmets for the whole family," he answered enthusiastically as he twitched his chin to get to a new channel.

The next part of the plan required a visit to the Diffendorf Human Cannonball Show. During the "Blast a Volunteer from the Audience" part of the program, Mom waited by the landing pad while I stuffed Dad into the cannon. Just before I pushed him into the barrel, I switched him to the live coverage.
"Hey look at that!" he said. "Some man from the audience is about to be shot out of a cannon! This is exciting!"
There was a flash of light followed by a loud boom that shook the ground. Dad hollered "Whhhhheeeeeeeeeee" as he shot out of the cannon and high into the sky. The next boom was me blasting into the air. As I went up, I heard Dad coming down saying, "It's toooooo reeeeeeeeeeeal!"

After asphalt-iron-man luge, killer amusement park rides, sand dune body surfing and plummeting hot air balloons, Dad was finally ready to be cured. We stood at the base of a high mountain. I saw the blood drain out of Mom's face when she looked up the sheer cliff.
"Are you sure this will do it, Son?" she asked.
"This is it, Mom. We'll have Dad back after today," I assured her.
Before we dressed in the climbing gear, I asked Dad if he were going to watch the Alpine Mountaineering show.
"Oh yes Son. I wouldn't miss it," he replied as he switched channels.
The cliff rose straight out of the ground and stretch upward until it was lost in the blue sky above. Each step upward was terrifying. We tied a rope to Dad's harness and hoisted him up behind us. By noon the ground was far, far below. Dad kept saying "It's too real!" over and over again.

It was time.

"Dad?" I called.
"Can it wait Son? Right now the Swiss Alpine Climbers are on a steep cliff and the scenery is beautiful," he answered.
"What's your helmet like?" I asked.
"It's great. It makes everything seem so real. It's just like being there," he replied.
I reached over and pulled Dad's chinstrap loose. The Super Spectra Vision TV helmet came off his head and fell forever down the high cliff before it smashed into the ground far, far below.
Dad's eyes watched the helmet as it fell and when it hit the ground, they bugged out.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!"
His scream echo off the nearby mountains. His face got really, really pale.
In a very quiet voice he said, "It is real!"

Once we climbed down, Dad didn't even look for the helmet and when we got home, he cancelled Super Spectra Vision TV. Now my family is just like it was before. We camp, hike, fish and swim. We do everything we used to do, but there was one difference. Dad has never watched sports again. Oh, and we never go mountain climbing.

"I love my Dad."